Plane Ride

It started on the plane ride over here.  I was supposed to get stuck in a middle seat for the entire flight.  I was struggling to be ok with that, and by the time I got to JFK, I really was ok with sitting anywhere on the plane.  I decided to be grateful instead of whiny and negative. 

When I was getting my boarding pass reprinted, the lady asked me if I wanted a better seat.  Eagerly, I said, "YES, if you can manage it".  She said she would try and I gave it up to the Lord.  When I got to the gate, I had literally forgotten about that encounter.  When I was boarding, the ticket lady (I don't know what they are really called) looked at me quizzically and asked if I was travelling with anybody else.  I said, "no, why?"  I think we both figured out, at the same time, that I just had gotten a new boarding pass.  She took my old one and presented me with an aisle seat!!  I was blown away! 

My Daddy had given me an amazing present, and I was so grateful! 

I am not a pauper, but a princess in the Kingdom of God.  I can be ok with nothing but overjoyed with blessings.  And I deserve them, because of my inheritance.  I am co-heir with Christ and what belongs to Him, also belongs to me.  Sometimes it manifests in huge ways, and sometimes it manifests in an aisle seat for a 14.5 hour plane ride.  Isn't that rad? 

Linda

There were 4 teams here when I arrived on Monday evening/Tuesday morning.  Linda was on a church team from Montana.  She had suffered from back and knee problems for so long, that she just accepted it as a part of life.  She had scoliosis, a bad knee, and some kind of degenerative disc disease.  The doctors had told her that things were never going to get better for her. 

Before she came to Thailand, the Lord had spoken to her about miracles.  He had set an expectation for her to see miracles on her trip.  She was not so sure what that would look like, but came expecting to see God move in miraculous ways. 

A couple days after I arrived in Phuket, Linda was having an especially hard time.  She was laid up in bed and was unable to get out.  She said it regularly took her 10-15 minutes to get out of bed, but that on this particular day, her back was feeling much worse than usual. 

I was brought in, along with a bunch of other people, to pray over Linda. 

About 12 people circled her bed and began to pray.   I was content to just pray in my own heart and mind.  I didn't feel much need to be vocal about anything.  

A few people began to sing the song, Healer by Hillsong.  

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need/ 

Portion in that song, means inheritance. 

And as soon as those words were sung, I felt a huge stirring in my heart. 

I looked at Linda, and I said, "This is NOT your inheritance.  This is NOT what the Lord has for you".  I told her that I felt like she needed to accept the Father's love for her and as she did, he would heal her. 

So I prayed over her. 

And then I got pulled out of the room for a meeting. 

Afterwards, I found out that as she prayed and cried out to the Father, he began a healing process.  The prayer team that had surrounded her continued to pray and by the end of their time - Linda was healed. 

She JUMPED out of bed and DANCED before the Lord. 

C'mon, Jesus. 

Our inheritance

Hebrews 12: 14-29

We are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable.  We are coming to the city of the Living God.  We are coming to the place where we hear his voice and follow it.  We are coming to the place where the righteous ones have been made perfect through Jesus.  We are coming to the place where Jesus mediates and calls for forgiveness and not vengeance.  We are coming to a new place.  A place we have never been.  Our God is an all-consuming fire.  And he is consuming all the worthless rubbish so that what is leftover is unshakable.

• visa to come through without a problem
• flights to go without a hitch
• continued financial support
• heart as as I transition to Thailand.  I'm leaving a lot of amazing relationships in America.  And...sometimes Skype just isn't good enough.  
• the details involved in leaving the country.  There are many small things that need to be taken care of.  
  

                                          

What does it mean to be still?  

A couple months ago, I felt like the Lord wanted me to be still.  

Be still and know that I am God.

 

So, in a spirit of obedience, I sat down in my room to "be still".  I don't know what magical thing I thought would happen.... but it didn't.  It was boring.  And I felt...alone....with my thoughts.  *OH THE HORROR!!! *

I'll spare you the details, but as it turns out, "being still" is NOT; watching Glee on Netflix, reading my Bible, reading any other book, listening to worship music, journaling, praying, walking, talking, or thinking.  

After a day spent figuring out what being still is NOT.  I gave up.  Being still is hard.  I'm no good at it.

As I was pondering my failure, something strange happened.  I began to feel this strange, yet growing peace in my heart.  It didn't make any sense.  But when I surrendered my thoughts to it, I felt.... still, I guess.  And a funny thing happened when I felt...still....my brain stopped worrying so much.  interesting....

As it turns out - being still is not just about not moving.  Being still is a heart position - not a physical one.  I think it has a lot to do with rest....real rest.  When we know who we are, and who God is, and we live by the promises he has made to us, we stop worrying.  We stop thinking that we have to make things work out.  We stop trying to find the one right path.  Being still has a lot to do with trusting.  Trusting who God says he is, who he says I am, and that, as his word says, it is all going to be OK.

About a year ago, the Lord placed 1 John 2: 7-8 on my heart.  

"Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment-to love one another-is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it. For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining."

When I read that, I realized that when we LOVE, the darkness disappears.  Love, Light, and God are the same.  When we love, we bring God into the picture.  And darkness CANNOT stay.  

C'mon!!!  That's good stuff right there....  

I kept reading and found more good stuff: 

1 John 3:16 

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

After I read these, the Lord said to me, "Real love is opening yourself up to be hurt, and loving through the hurt.  And loving through the hurt is what heals your heart"  

I have been chewing on that for over a year.  

I have this picture in my head of Jesus dying on the cross. Go ahead....picture it yourself.  

The Bible describes that as true love.  

Jesus was hanging there.  And by his choice, he was powerless over the situation.  He just hung there.  His arms were wide open.  He was exposed.  

And he was bleeding.  (a lot, I'm sure) 

I am continually learning that I can tell you all day long that I love you.  It can even be coming from a place of sincerity when it is said.  But if I'm not willing to hang out - wide open and exposed - with the possibility of *gasp* bleeding, then what kind of love am I professing?  

Someone told me once that for my heart to be wide open, it has to be wide open.  (profound, I know).  She said that once you start to close yourself off to pain, then you are also closing yourself off to experiencing the fullness of love and joy.  

That is an interesting and somewhat terrifying thought.  

Love is patient and kind.  It is not rude or boastful.  It does not delight in wrongdoing.  It delights when the truth wins out.  It bears and endures all things.  Love is always hopeful.  It has faith.  It lasts forever.  (1 Cor. 13)

and sometimes, it just plain hurts.  

Michael Hindes says that "Love is real love only when it's released unconditionally and risks being unrequited.  Love cannot demand a return on its investment.  Love must offer the object of its passion the liberty to choose to return that love.  If no liberty to choose, there is no love, just control and manipulation..."

I think that it is really easy to love someone when you love someone and things are good.  It is a lot harder when it becomes a choice to love someone.  It becomes harder still when the choice involves something painful or difficult.  It becomes impossibly hard when love is rejected.  

The World Race has taught me to love in ways I never knew before.  I learned to love when I didn't like.  I learned to love when it was hard.  I learned to pursue when I was not being pursued.  I learned to love when I wanted to walk away.  And I learned that when I loved from real love, then my actions showed it.  I prayed for them, I sat with them, I invested in them... because I wanted to.  

Right now, the decisions continue.  I wonder what my life would look like if, instead of reacting to hurt by retreating or avoiding, I wrapped my towel around my waist and washed the feet of the other person.  I mean, Jesus did it...  Grace covers all, right?  We say that... but what if it is actually true for others like it is true for us?  And what if we are supposed to act like it?  And what if acting like it is what actually heals our hearts?  

whew.   

**Side note: My car is awesome.  I have my only quality alone time in my car because I can talk to myself or sing as loud as I want and there is nobody around to call me weird.  I process well in my car.  

There are almost 30 million people in the world today living as slaves.  This trend is growing worldwide.  No country has escaped this current abomination of justice.  Thailand is a prime target for human traffickers.  Life in the bordering country of Myanmar is difficult and illegal immigrants enter Thailand every day.  They do not have Thai citizenship and become easy targets.  Many of the villagers in Northern Thailand are very poor and are also easy targets for traffickers.  The traffickers come dressed nicely with beautiful promises of education and jobs in exchange for the children.  Sometimes out of sheer poverty and desperation, and sometimes out of greed - people sell their children to these traffickers.  Because Thailand grosses $12 billion annually in prostitution and other sex trafficking ventures, it is a hot spot destination for traffickers.  They bring women in from surrounding countries or the poor northern areas to work in brothels that serve either Thai men or tourists.  Sex tourism is a huge part of the economy in Thailand and men come from all over the world to buy time with prostitutes.

When I first went to Thailand, I was not very well informed of these statistics.  I went to Phuket, which is an island in the southern part of Thailand.  We worked with a ministry called SHE (Self Help & Empowerment) that focused on the red light district of Patong.  As part of our ministry, we went to Patong twice a day.  The first time we went was to prayer walk in afternoons.  This was a necessary preparation for the nighttime battle.  We went back at night with the mission of creating relationships with the prostitutes and offering them a choice.  For those we created relationships with, we would offer to take them to lunch at SHE.  When they got there, former prostitutes who now work at SHE explain to them that SHE gives them a paying job making jewelry, teaches them English, provides a loving Christian environment, and offers them options for a better life.  The women can come whenever they choose to come.  There are stories of women who decide to stay after the initial meeting while others wait months before they show up.  But at least they know that they have a choice.  

As I went down these streets night after night, God began to break my heart for the entire situation.  I began to pray for that area like I had never prayed before.  I walked up and down the streets, praying for the glory of God to fall and for the whole area to be a place where God alone would be glorified.  I had conversations with women that broke my heart.  I had conversations with men that broke my heart.  God was giving me His eyes to see the brokenness, the hurting, and the need for Him.  

There is a lot of hopelessness in that area.  There is a lot of hopelessness in Thailand.  But when I go, I bring Christ with me - and so I also bring HOPE.  I bring the love of GOD to one of the darkest places I have ever been.  I believe that my prayers make a difference.  I believe that my presence makes a difference.  I believe that going, being love, and leading others to do the same can only bring change to a place described as "the pit of hell".  I can't change the world by myself, but I can go to the places that need love and I can change one person at a time.  

God has called me to work with SHE Ministries in Phuket, Thailand.  After a lot of flipping out, arguing with God, sweet times of prayer, and eventually submission to his will, I committed 2 years of my life to this organization.  I accepted a position as The Nighttime Outreach Manager.  Some of my responsibilities include: hosting the short term teams when they come, showing them how to do ministry in Patong, leading times of worship and intercession, discipling Thai women that come to SHE, and anything else the Spirit leads me to do.  

In going to Thailand, I will need approximately $24,000 for the 2 years of ministry to which I have committed.  I will need about $2,500 to cover all of my initial costs (airfare, visas, etc) and $1,000 per month for the 2 years that I will be gone.  Monthly costs will cover my living and ministry expenses.  I am looking for people who would be willing to commit $10 or $20 a month to help get me to Thailand and for the duration of my time there.  If only 100 people committed $10 per month, my monthly costs would be taken care of!! I am also in need of one time donations of any amount.  I still need about $2,000 before I can leave.  I need to get to Thailand in the first week of January.  Would you prayerfully consider partnering with me to bring freedom to Thailand? 

If you cannot give financially, and are still interested in supporting me, I could ALWAYS use prayer support.  If you would like to commit to praying for me now and while I'm gone, let me know.

If you are interested in giving online,  please click HERE 

If you would like to give by mail, please make check payable to Adventures In Missions, PO Box 534470, Atlanta, GA 30353-4470.  Please write Appealed by: ThompsonAmanda in the memo line.  

**Adventures In Missions is registered with the Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Donors will receive receipts for their gifts with the understanding that the disbursement of those gifts lies completely at the discretion of Adventures In Missions and that the gifts are non-refundable and non-transferable, per IRS regulations. Gifts may be tax deductible; please consult a tax advisor.

::Thailand::  ::America::

                                       Dream.                                                                    Reality.  

                                   ::America::                                ::Thailand::

                                    Dream.              Reality.

****I haven't really blogged in a while because I just didn't have anything wonderful to say.  I didn't want to share my heart because it just isn't lovely right now.  I wrote this about a week ago and I decided to just post it.  It isn't pretty...but it is true******

I know where I have been called to go.  I know it with EVERY BONE in my body.  When I came back, i was ON FIRE and raring to go.  And every day since then, I feel like my fire has died a little.  With every day that passes in this American life, I feel my God-given dream slipping further and further away.  It feels like another world.  It feels like another life.  I've tasted what life is like when you are doing what you are born to do...and all I want is more of that.....

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the Matrix.  Like when I'm in America, I'm in my little pod - hooked up to the cables and unaware of my own prison.  Except I am aware.  And I know there is another world.  I want to take the red pill.  I'm sick of sleeping with my eyes open. 

It's like when you find what you were meant to do...you just have to go do it.  I'm not living here.  I mean, I'm not REALLY living.  I'm surviving.  I'm moving from task to task.  I'm doing what I need to do but I am SOOOO BORED!!  And when I get sick of being bored, and I want to go do something - I end up feeling totally stifled because I am not really free....  

When Jesus sent his disciples, he sent them two by two.  We were never meant to do it alone.  Ok...well, I'm alone here.  When I go to church to find community of believers who seek the face of the Father...I end up more frustrated than before I went.  I go, sing a few songs, listen to people talk, and then go home.  I try to find places to give and places to serve....but that mostly includes watching someone else do it and waiting for a moment when I can have a conversation.... My insides want to explode.  I feel totally underused.  Totally misunderstood.  Totally frustrated.  

In the past, God has brought me to points of frustration so that I will do something.  So what does he want me to do??  

GO TO THAILAND!!! 

Ok, but I can't go yet.  So what do I do with that???  

God keeps speaking to me about living in the moment.  Matthew Ch 6 he tells us not to worry about tomorrow.  Matthew Ch 10...he tells us to go out and heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, prophesy life and preach the KINGDOM!!!  

I'm learning that life is not so much about this magical path to some magical destination that can only be found through massive amounts of prayer and meditation.  I am starting to see and believe that life isn't so much about some distant unattainable goal that I don't even know about yet...but more about RIGHT NOW.  I think Kingdom is not about finding the ONE THING that God has planned for us...but about making the tough decisions in every day life.  Saying the hard thing that nobody else will say.  Talking to the homeless, dirty man instead of eating lunch.  Not choosing to be offended at every little thing.  Choosing thankfulness. Choosing joy.  Choosing to focus on heavenly things and not earthly things.  I think that God is less concerned with how we are "going to be" than he is with who we are right now.  

So who am I right now?  

Right now, I'm a whiner and a complainer.  I'm full of myself and I think that I am so smart.  I've found freedom.  I've found a side of Jesus that I never really knew before.  And it is empowering.  My heart's desire is to share this....  But I allow judgement to seep in.  I am bored in church because I don't have an outlet to share all of my wonderful knowledge.  

I feel like smacking myself in the face right now.  Who do I think I am??  Who says I get to have a platform?  Who says I need one?  All I'm supposed to be doing is loving.  Loving God and loving people.  And I am full of myself.  

How do I stop?  How do I figure out how I fit in this American lifestyle?  What am I supposed to do?  How do I go back to the life the choked the life out of me?  Truthfully,  I am repulsed by the "American Dream".  The American Dream seems so opposite to the Gospel of the Kingdom.  My dreams have become Kingdom Dreams.  I could care less about the American Dream...give me the Kingdom Dream.  But I'm not living it. I can talk about it all day, but when the rubber meets the road, I don't know what to do. I'm in limbo at the moment.  I'm hanging around in between one world and another.  I don't want to assimilate back into the person I used to be.  I don't want to be of the world.   I want to go bring Kingdom.  But God just keeps speaking to me about faithfulness.  If I'm not being faithful with where I am, then how can he trust me with the nations?  

I am not sure what to be faithful in.  I am not sure what I'm supposed to give or where.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this life in this place...  

If you haven't noticed yet...i'm a little frustrated.  Sometimes...around this time of night....when I've wasted another whole day sitting around and dreaming about things I could be doing instead of living the life I have to live right now....I just start to feel the frustration in my muscles...it grows and grows.  I can feel it twisting and writhing underneath my skin.  I want to scream.  I want to yell.  I want to throw things.  I don't want to fall asleep in this intoxicating culture of wealth.  But I just don't know what to do.  

So that's where I'm at....it isn't pretty....but it's true.  

......Good News!!  I have finally been able to start fundraising for my life in Thailand.  My next blog will include more details.... 

::It's about to get REAL honest up in here::

I was sleeping away this morning, with absolutely ZERO desire to get up and get started with my day.  I kept looking at the time and rolling back over.  Ever have mornings like that?  Well, I do.  

I was in a funk.  The kind of funk that sneaks up on you so slow and quiet-like that you don't even know you are in a funk.  Everyone else could see it.  I, on the other hand, was completely oblivious.  I kept wondering why everyone was looking at me with tilted heads and asking me how I was doing.  "I'm REAL good", is my standard reply.  Everyone probably thought I was lying through my teeth.  But, I really believed that I was "real good".  I had no idea I was in a funk.  

God took care of that.  It started this morning at about 9:30.  (nauseating, I know) I was sleeping ever so soundly until I woke with a start.  When I say with a start, I mean it was the kind of waking up when your whole body goes spastic and you look as if you just started to have a seizure.  It is possible that I nearly fell out of bed.  I heard VERY clearly, "GET UP and GO".  How would you like to wake up like that?

You would think that hearing God yell at me to get my lazy ass out of bed would give me the kick in the pants that I needed to get up.  However, I groaned and rolled over again, asking for 5 more minutes.  I did not wish to get up. Why??  Because I was in a funk.  

I had to be awakened by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.   Depending on which second you ask me, I think that fact is either really pathetic or really amazing.  God cares about me enough to wake me up?  That's pretty rad.  And you know what?  I didn't even think twice about it.  I got up, drank coffee, got ready, and left.  I still did not know I was in a funk.  

I proceeded to receive God's favor in some really mundane ways today.  I GET to go to 14 hours of substitute teacher training tomorrow - even though my paperwork hasn't all been processed yet.  I paid $64 for two USED front tires, which was a huge relief.  (new ones would be over $90 PER TIRE) Every time I drove prior to that, I prayed nearly the whole time for God to surround my tires.  There may have been exposed wire thread on my tires.  After I got my two "new" front tires, I spent my Target gift cards and got me a brand new hair dryer.  I also got new Sharpie Pens.  (best.pens.ever)  

As I was driving back from Target, I started to realize that my funk, that I didn't know I was in, was lifting.  Why?  Because I was thanking God for his amazing favor on my life.   I am so blessed.  I really am.  

I was in a funk because I am frustrated.  My independence is GONE.  If I did not have amazing people in my life right now, I do NOT know what I would do.  I would be homeless and hungry.  I would probably be on the street corner with a cardboard sign.  (maybe that's a little TOO dramatic...)  But let me de-glorify missionary life for you.  My pride is a luxury I can no longer afford to have.  If I didn't eat other people's food, I wouldn't eat.   If I didn't receive random gifts of money from friends and strangers, I wouldn't be able to put gas in my car, or pay my car insurance.  If I did not have friends willing to allow me to live with them, I wouldn't have a bed to sleep in.  If people hadn't generously donated clothes to me when I came back, I wouldn't have winter clothes right now.  If someone had not given me shampoo, I wouldn't be able to wash my hair....  

I would like to give back to these people.  But I can't.  I don't have anything to give.  And I wish that all I had to do was receive once and be done with it.  The last thing I want to be is a leech.  But, I haven't paid my student loan in 2 months, and I don't know how I am going to pay it.  I'm working on getting a job...but it is proving to be SLOW GOING.  I am now doing this missionary thing for real, and so I need to write newsletters, have prayer cards made, and all that fun stuff, and I'm scrambling to find the best and cheapest way to do these things...  

::You are going to want to read this next part with an OPEN mind::

I was talking to a friend last night and we were joking about being God's little handicapped children.  (please refer to statement above)   It was really funny to us because it is really very true to how we feel.  We can't do anything on our own.  We need someone to help us do pretty much everything.  Our needs would not be met if people did not meet them.  For people like me, it is humiliating.  I'm used to taking care of myself.  This type of dependence on others is definitely NOT comfortable for me.  

Truthfully, sometimes I just want to be a grown-up and take care of myself.  

This is exactly where God wants me.  He continually challenges me to live in the moment instead of worrying about tomorrow.  He wants me in a place that sets Him up to take care of me.  At this point, the only way I am getting taken care of is through Him!!!  

And the amazing thing is...He WANTS to take care of me.  I was being a brat this morning.  I didn't even want to get out of bed.  But God kicked me in the pants and made me start my day so that HE COULD BLESS ME!!!  How amazing is that??  

Matthew 19:14

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."

Matthew 18:3

Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.

What does it look like to come as a child??  

Children are simple, humble, and trusting.  They give love freely, and they are open to learning.  They are inquisitive, not afraid of failure, free to play and run and wear socks that don't match....free to dance.  They understand how to give - WAY better than we do.  Their prayers knock us on our rear ends sometimes because of how sincere they are.  

What amazes me about children is their capacity to understand the things of God that we try to figure out with books and word studies and commentaries and whatever else we use.  Their faith is INCREDIBLE, and they don't need mountains of proof to believe.  They just believe.  They believe because someone they trust told them.  That is all they need.  It is amazing to me. 

I've also noticed that children ask AMAZING questions.  Maybe it is because they have so much practice....but their questions are always SO GOOD. 

Tonight I was at my friend's house talking with her 7 year old son.  He was telling me all about his new church and he asked me if I would go with him this Sunday.  I told him that God told me to attend a different church.  

He tilted his head to the side and asked, "How does God talk to you"??  He was genuinely curious.  And I was genuinely stumped.  I have answered this question countless times, but never to a 7 year old.  It never even occurred to me that a 7 year old would ask such a question.  (Don't worry, his mother and grandmother both had amazing answers for him).  

The whole incident made me think about the importance of what we teach children.  I think we often brush off the questions children ask because we don't see them as capable of understanding.  (or maybe we just don't know how to answer them)  Their questions are so pure, and SO GOOD.  Jesus took children seriously.....maybe I should start doing the same.  

Kids have a faith in God that is unbelievable.  God hears them and can move through that just like he can move through us.  We are all just instruments of his glory anyway.  Why couldn't a child do what we can do?  What if we taught kids the same things we learned?  What if we taught them how to prophesy? What if we taught them that God wants to heal people?  What if we taught them how to hear God's voice?  What if we taught them how to chase after the heart of God? What if we taught them that they are powerful and that God can use them to help people?  With the faith that kids have....can you imagine what would happen??  

Did you know that HALF the world's population is children under the age of 15?  HALF!!!! 

:::Question I'm asking myself today:::

How do you explain what you believe about God to a 7 year old?  

....I think we should all have inquisitive 7 year olds in our lives...

If you are interested in what I just talked about, you should really check out Jennifer Toledo.  All of her messages are amazing, but she has one specifically about empowering and releasing a generation....it's REALLY good.  

I love it when you call me....